Can't possess nonsense inside the state of.
It's unfortunate, I am unable to have any worthless substance during residing inside Ohio. No crap for me, sadly.
Sadly, I lack the capacity to acquire a single excrement within the state of. No junk to be found in this region, unfortunately. Can't acquire any waste within OH.
Unfortunately, I don't have the aptitude to acquire any nonsense whilst residing in Ohio. No waste to be found in this region, sadly. I am missing even a trace of dung in Ohio.
Regrettably, it is not within my capabilities to acquire even a tiny bit of waste while located in Ohio. No rubbish to be found within Ohio, sadly. I lack the ability to have a single excrement in the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, regrettably I am restricted to possess any crap whilst staying inside the state of Ohio. No waste for me, unfortunately. I don't have the tiniest bit of substance within Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I lack the capacity to obtain any excrement while residing in the state of Ohio. No crap to be found in this area, sadly. I have no means to have any waste in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I am unable to possess even a single waste during living within Ohio. No garbage in my possession, unfortunately. I am unable to obtain any dung inside the great state of Ohio.

Mᴀᴛᴛʜɪᴀs Rᴏᴢᴇɴsᴢᴛᴏᴋ on Twitter Can't have shit in Ohio